My way to happiness

This morning…having our Sunday breakfast at our favorite restaurant like every Sunday…we were talking about my uncle. I haven’t seen or talked to my uncle in over 15 years. When he got divorced from my aunt he also divorced me. I never really got over it and always hoped that one day I will find him and get the chance to talk to him. I have three uncles but he was the only one I truly had that connection with. Since I was a little girl, he was my favorite uncle. But when he divorced my aunt he said he doesn’t want any contact with that part of the family and I am part of the family he doesn’t want contact with. Not me personally but I am my moms daughter and my aunts niece, so therefor I am on the side he doesn’t want anything to do with. Anyway, I found his brother on a social networking site and been thinking for the last weeks if I should write him or not. This morning we somehow got to talk about it again and I made the decision that I need to know…I need to know if there is any hope or not. I need to either close the door forever and go on with my life or finally get the chance to be a part of his life again. Because I just couldn’t find him anywhere I figured may be if I write to his brother he will let him know …..Anyway I got home and went on the internet and clicked on his brothers site and I couldn’t believe my eyes. It said that he just added my uncle as a contact. All these years and now that we just talked about it he shows up on the internet… There was also a pictures of him and he still looks the same. I was looking at the picture forever and was just crying. I didn’t know that it would be that hard to see him again. All these years I wanted the chance to “talk” to him again and here it finally came…just to find out that I am so affraid. I want to write, there is so much I want to tell him but I am just so affraid and don’t know what I should write. After looking at the picture for an hour and crying my eyes out I finaly started typing. It took me a while to push the send button, but I did. Now all I can do is wait, hope and pray. I know it might not be the answer I want, it might not be an answer at all, but I need to know once and for all. I am shaking just thinking about it….Maybe it was faith that I found him today. I just wish I would know what my faith is when it comes to my future. Will it be a future with or without my uncle?

I know it has nothing to do with weight loss and I am sorry about going on, but I needed to write it down. I thought it would help but if I am honest it didn’t. I am still affraid.

It’s only Day 8 and this morning after going on the scale I was ready to give up (again). I did really good last week (losing 5 pounds) but the scale isn’t moving anymore. The first thing I did when I came to work was to go on this site and visit the forum. (My boss isn’t here yet, so I have some time for it) I thought I need to ask the girls (and boys) here for help. I didn’t even needed to ask as I came across a blog where one lady had the same problem (it was Isabelle). Only that she takes measurements and could see the inches come off. Well, not me…I thought I don’t need measurements, all I need is the scale. Guess I was wrong again. Well, reading the blog gave me some boost again and I am thinking maybe, just maybe I lost some inches I don’t even know about. So I promised myself that when I come home tonight I will take all the measurements I can take.

Usally that’s about the time I give up, when the scale stops moving even though I did my workouts and stuck to my “diet”. It’s so hard. You eat healthier, eat less, don’t eat any chocolate (and I loooooooovvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee chocolate) work out every day and the stupid scale doesn’t move. And then I see my husband, eating all the junk he can get, going on the scale and telling me that he didn’t gain anything (which he is trying to do). If he could he would probably loose a few pounds on his “junk food and sweets diet”.

I know that if it wasn’t for everybody here I would’ve jumped of the wagon again.  But reading all these blogs and knowing that I need to loose the pounds not only for me but for my group gives me strength. As frustrated as I am right now, I have to keep going!

I am fighting and it’s hard (that little voice in my head starts talking) but I will not give up. If my body want’s to fight me in my weight loss, all I can say is: Bring it on! This time it’s me winning!